Pumpkin hijinks, p.1
Pumpkin Hijinks, page 1
Pumpkin Hijinks
A Dark Monster Romance
S.R. Griffith
Contents
1. Lisette
2. Lisette
3. Lisette
4. [new life]
5. Lisette
6. [new life]
7. Lisette
8. Nolan
9. Lisette
10. Nolan
11. Lisette
12. Nolan
13. Lisette
14. Nolan
15. Lisette
Empty TBR?
About the Author
You don’t have to suffer alone.
Pumpkin Hijinks
I should be dead but pumpkin monstrosity saved my life.
My ex is probably controlling douche canoe that thinks he still owns me.
I’m trying to start my new life, but one night, he makes his move to make me regret leaving him.
I wake up with a pumpkin headed monster that reeks of magic. He saved my life and now I’m having urges for him that I shouldn’t be at all.
He’s a creation from my own magic and blood. He’s also sweet and sorta dumb.
And he wants to explore his new found features with me.
After being burned for so long, will I open my heart to this weird creation?
CW
Death, murder, stalking/harassment, violence, animal attack, potential power imbalance, animals consuming a living human/torture, violence, domestic abuse
Fun features: fancy peen, magical ohs
Chapter 1
Lisette
Being a witch and single on Halloween was the pits.
It didn’t help that I was newly officially divorced. The separation had been hard and a struggle. I should be happy and grateful, but loneliness etched into my skin. The years of loneliness in my failing marriage made this time even harder. Didn’t I deserve to be happy?
I kicked my legs on the old stone wall that overlooked the pumpkin patch. Did I only grow them to be a stereotypical witch during October? Or was it for a small side hustle when I took them to the farmers' market and my vegetable stand? I sighed as I looked at the twining and growing vines. Who would I pick this week to take with me? Who will continue to grow underneath the moon and sunlight? What little kid would leap through the vines and find the perfect one. I laughed at the thought. It’s not like they were sentient or even a ‘they.’
I slipped off the wall and stood between the vines. “Gods, where the fuck is my love? I’m a pretty decent person. Why am I single?” I screamed at the moon. I wasn’t sure why I was in this weird ass mood. Was it because the last blind date I was on was a failure? I didn’t need someone. I could be a hot ass bitch on my own. But…I was lonely.
The sounds of nature surrounded me. The loud croaking of frogs in the trees by the pond at the neighbors, a soft sound of birds in the distance, and crickets chirping. A bat swooped by the pumpkin headed scarecrow in the middle of the pumpkin patch. Everything was normal tonight, except for my rotten mood. I meandered through the vines, careful to avoid falling onto any of the pumpkins. In a brief second, something brushed against the back of my calf. I stilled and swallowed. I looked down and furrowed my brow. A pumpkin vine wrapped around my boot and a leaf flapped against the exposed skin of my calf. That’s weird.
I lifted my foot and shook off the vine. It didn’t budge. I flicked it off with some magic and it slithered away. Weird. I shook my head and marched forward. The sound of crunching gravel rang through the air. Magic sizzled on my hands as I prepared to defend myself. The closer I got to my house, I realized who it was. A frown etched into my face as I walked towards my small house and deepened as I approached the orange SUV. I opened the door with indignant anger.
“What are you doing here, Julian?” I hissed.
He smirked and leaned forward. He was too damn handsome, and he knew it. “Just checkin’ in on how my wife is settling with her new . . . circumstances.”
My fingers curled into a fist. “We’re divorced, Julian.”
“I told you I didn’t want the divorce. We were meant to be,” he hissed.
“The court granted it without your approval. Leave me alone. This proves why I wanted the divorce. You’re harassing me. Get off my property.”
A sneer spread across his face. I can’t believe that I used to think he was handsome. He repulsed me now. “You’re making a mistake. You’ll be begging for me back.”
“No fucking way. Go to hell, Julian.”
“You’ll regret this, Lisette,” he sneered as he hit the gas and sped away. Rocks kicked behind him and one hit my forehead. Pain shot through me and I winced. Holding my hand to my face while tears streamed down my cheeks, I realized hot liquid dripped into my fingers. I stumbled as I looked at my fingers. Red fresh blood covered them. Fuck. I walked past the pumpkin patch and leaned over the wall. Body wrenching sobs filled the air as I cried and bled over some vines in the pumpkin patch. On the edge of my mind, a tingle of magic filled the air, but I ignored it. Nothing had spiked my wards. I was safe here. Hopefully. It was merely the magic that lived in everything. I wiped my tears and blood before straightening up. Everything would be fine. They were empty threats. Tomorrow would be a better day.
Chapter 2
Lisette
Another day, another dollar.
The one thing I liked about working as a virtual personal assistant was that I could spend times like this doing more things with my little land. For the last few months, I’ve been setting up a little farm stand, where people all could come and buy produce from me. Sometimes I would take my wares to the farmer's market. I had turned it around and made it into a pumpkin patch for the holidays. Word of mouth helped my number of customers grow. They especially loved the pumpkins. I still had some produce from the garden behind my house and I sold them at my stall. Since I had a Wi-Fi extender, I had my laptop out working to help pass the time.
A car drove up to my little stand, and I looked up. It was my friend, Tonya. This was her cottage that was renting from her for a fantastic deal. Too good. She knew how bad my life was with my ex. This was a ‘girls looking out for girls’ situation. Plus, she just got married, and she moved in with her new husband. She rolled down her window. “Hey girl, hey.”
I smiled and leaned over my booth. “Are you gonna leave on your honeymoon?” I asked.
“It’s gonna be a blast. Are you gonna be okay? How are you holding up?” Her face was etched with concern.
Contemplating whether to tell her what happened last night, I let out a sigh. As I remembered the events, I instinctively touched my forehead. “I’ll be fine.”
Tonya’s lips turned into a thin line. “You’re lying.”
My fake smile turned into a straight line on my face. “He came by last night.”
Tonya threw her hands up in the air and groaned. “I still don’t know why you married him. You didn’t even tell him your secret.”
I laughed uneasily. “Obviously, I was right about that gut feeling. Do you think he could’ve been trusted with our secret about magic?”
Any lightness in Tonya’s body shifted away. “No,” she said coldly.
Turning away from her, I swallowed. “I’ll be fine. I have wards up and I can always call the cops. And surely he won’t harass me anymore. I told him off and told him to get away from me.”
My friend rubbed the side of her neck uneasily. He shook her head. “I have a bad feeling.”
“Did you scry or something? I don’t think you have extra powers.”
Tonya glared at me. “Fine. I’ll leave you alone.” She rolled her eyes before continuing. “I didn’t scry or anything. I don’t know. He’s dangerous. There is a reason the court gave you the divorce with him trying to refuse and everything. All those times your neighbors called the cops on you?”
She was right. They were called constantly over the yelling and fighting. Sometimes my old neighbors would ask if things were okay with that subtle ‘we can help’ voice tone. I waved my hand. “And I will go to the authorities if I need to. I’ll be fine. You are finally good to go on your honeymoon. You relax and enjoy. I am out in the boonies. I have my little garden. I’ve been able to work at home and manage the stand. People are loving the pumpkin thing. Things are going good. He just needs to get through his head that our marriage is over. If I need to, I’ll go get an EPO.”
“If you need to, I will come home and pop to save your life.”
“I do not want to get in your mind while you’re fucking your brains out,” I said as laughter filled the surrounding air, her tiny, her gentle, tinkling laughter and my loud and deep chuckles. Tonya’s my best friend forever. She helped me get out of my abusive marriage when I couldn’t see a way out. She was the best. And she deserved her honeymoon. Sometimes I worried I was the reason she didn’t leave yet because she was trying to protect me. She waved bye and rolled up the window. Her husband drove her off, and the tires crunched on the gravel. I was gonna be fine. It had to be fine. I would just need to make sure my wards were up. I’ll get plenty of warning if he came back. And if not, I do have my magic. I didn’t use it before because I was afraid he would tell people, but he wasn’t stupid. He’s going to get the fact that we’re divorced. I’m not his and we’re not married anymore.
Chapter 3
Lisette
Magic crawled up my spine.
Someone broke my words. Someone was trespassing. I jumped out of bed and ran outside. Should I have been armed? Probably. But in most situations, I would only need a bit of magic, and I wasn’t worried about it. As I ran off my porch, I saw Julian in the pumpkin patch, smashing parts of the wooden fence on the far side of the pumpkin patch. I ran to him. Maybe that was foolish.
“Stop! Stop it! What are you doing?” I screamed.
He turned to me. Anger in his eyes as he twirled the bat in his hand. “Told you not to leave me. Told you there would be consequences. I’m not going to leave you this easily.”
“We’re divorced. You need to leave me alone.“
“I’ll just make your life hell. I’ll punish you for leaving me because you’re my wife.”
He twisted away from me and smashed another pumpkin. I lunged for him and tugged at his shirt. He twisted around. This time, the bat aimed towards me and, in the flick of a second, I pushed a magical shield between us. It would be invisible to most people, but a small sheen of glitter in the air made it obvious to the most observant of people. The bat bounced on my shield and he stared at the bat as it recoiled back. This wasn’t what he wanted. His anger seemed to increase as if he calculated something was wrong. As if he realized something strange has happened.
“What was that?” he hissed.
Julian tried to hit me again, but I stood firm. He stepped closer to me and I sucked in a deep breath. My heart pounded in my chest. The shield shimmered down. He wasn’t violent. I mean, he punched a hole in the wall once, but he wasn’t violent. No, I shouldn't have to worry about him. He was just trying to damage the property.
Maybe that was my mistake.
Julian reached out to me, and I flinched. He grinned wickedly before he grabbed my hair and slammed me down to the ground. “What are you? Some fucking witch?”
“Calm, calm down. That must be your imagination.” The venom in his voice proved to me completely why I never told him my secret. Tonya was lucky. Her human husband loved her witchy powers. I never expected to be in an abusive relationship. I thought I was too good and too stubborn to find myself in a situation like that. No one asked me if things were okay other than the neighbors. Most of my family didn’t take me to the side and mention how he treated me like garbage. It was only with the help of Tonya, as things got worse and worse, that I saw the light. Afterward, everyone said how they knew he was no good. They said nothing when I was with him. Julian didn’t hit me then. It’s why I didn’t really fully expect it now. He just purposely said horrible things to me sometimes. He tried to get me away from my friends and family on my own. That’s what you say. Even being a witch, his words scarred me and I wasn’t sure I would ever be right again. I looked up, tears spilling in my eyes. I was wrong about him.
I was so fucking wrong.
He squatted down on his haunches. Pure hatred on his face. “Told you if you couldn’t be my wife, you would live to regret that. I’m not going to let you live idly pissing your days away at this fucking farm while I’m alone. I’ll fucking destroy you.”
“I won’t call the cops if you leave, please,” I pleaded.
In our scuffle, we had shifted closer to the rock wall by the road and away from the wooden fence. His smile broadened as he slammed my head into the rock wall. Pain spiked through me, stars welled behind my eyes. I stumbled up and fell. I crawled into the pumpkin patch, trying to crawl away from him before he’d hurt me anymore. With every step towards the middle of the pumpkin patch, the vines parted away from me. The ground soaked up the red liquid dripping from my head. I hear him coming up behind me, murdering profanities at me, but everything becomes blurry at the edges of my vision. He kicked me once, and I fell to the ground.
“Rot in hell, bitch,” he hissed. He stomped on the back of my rib cage, a sickening crack filled the air. Magic could only heal so much because I wasn’t a healer. And there were many rules on magic on self healing. His footsteps slowly vanished, and I rolled over. My breath came in short gasps. Every inhalation was a struggle as pain rippled through my chest. I couldn’t even tell what was hurting at this point more, my head or my chest cavity. As I laid watching the stars twinkle above me, a pumpkin vine crawled up the scarecrow. I tried to breathe in. With every suck, a pulse of magic burst from me.
That wasn’t good.
It didn’t happen often. There were tales that witches in their last breath of life, magic tries to go back to the ground for magic comes from nature. We take wild magic and utilize it within ourselves to change everything around us. Every pulse told me what I knew was coming.
I was dying.
There was no more hope for me. Another pulse of magic knocked over the leather clad scarecrow. Even if I hadn’t left my cell phone inside the house like a fool. Even if my mind connected with someone else, the damage was done too much. I lived in the country. I was dead. Pumpkin vines slid underneath my shirt and wrapped around my torso. The subtle shift of wild magic was a comfort. Hopefully, my bones and flesh could fertilize supply land, because I wasn’t sure how long it would take anyone to find me.
In my last gulp of air, everything turned black.
Chapter 4
[new life]
Isucked in a deep breath.
That’s weird.
I didn’t breathe.
I was only vines and pumpkins with slight sentience, as wild magic would flow through me. More sensations coursed through me as I realized I was not just a pumpkin anymore. Wasn’t actually even sure what described the feelings and sensations rolling over me. The wind whispered against my skin. My eyes opened up and the stars above me twinkled. Skin. From this vantage point, the stars looked different. As a pumpkin, my level of sentience and knowledge was pretty much three-sixty around the pumpkin patch with chunks of knowledge that the wild could give me. This was not as I used to be. Exploring more of a sensation across my body. As I stretched my fingers and legs, I could feel the stiffness slowly dissipating. The sensations were completely novel and foreign to me. I sat up. Instead of the vines I was normally connected to, I had human legs and hands. I flexed my fingers in front of my eyes or eye sockets before looking to the side. More pulses of magic pulsed weakly from the woman that cared for the patch. That was interesting. As the magic floated around me, I waved my hands over her chest.
Vines called over her chest, and weak pulses of wild magic filled her cavity. It would take a few days for that to heal. Examining her head, the fresh blood from her head spread along the vines and dirt. Blood poured underneath her. That was sad. Another wave of my hand and more vines crawled around her head, making a makeshift bandage.. With another surge of untamed magic coursed through her, instantly halting the flow of blood. Another few days. Stumbling to my feet, I picked her up and took her to the house. I wasn’t exactly sure what I would find here because only the dead pumpkins have been in here. I admit someone with my knowledge base might be filled in by the wild magic. It’s everywhere and in everything. Whatever a stroke of luck happens somehow. I’m alive and now, with this witch, I will live.
It would be quite a few hours, so I will need to go do what she does throughout the day, which was selling some of the produce. I didn’t really need sleep, but I knew nothing about electronics other than the small tablet she used to take payments. Her words lingered in the air, and I found myself effortlessly mimicking her tone and cadence. I would take care of her and her home. Plus, with magic being particular around magic, I avoided staying inside for too long. Although her place had to be safe for magic because she was a witch. I couldn’t risk it. So I went outside and watched from her front step. I did not feel the need to sleep like the humans do.
Will I ever sleep? Is this permanent? I wasn’t entirely sure there was no one to ask. The only person who might know would be the witch, but she was gonna be indisposed for days. I know from the conversation she had had on the phone in the garden, she needed to do her jobs. She was really quite pretty, but very sad. I looked at my hands. Some of her blood and magic filled my soul. Is this how I was created?
