Tmp, p.55
tmp, page 55
The prince charged toward her. Sukhi and Dukhi jumped away, hands over their mouths.
Before Manthara could cry for help, the twins turned their backs on her and ran as fast as they could. Manthara and her cane stood alone to face the demon charging toward her.
“I-am-going-to-kill-you!” the prince shouted, lifting his sword.
Fear squeezed Manthara’s lungs such that she couldn’t even scream.
With the dull side of the sword, the prince began beating her across her back. Manthara’s spine sagged with every blow. She fell to the ground, her bones crunching.
“You are the cause of our family’s destruction,” he screamed.
The next moment, she was dragged across the ground, the cold marble slithering against her exposed skin. Her sari slipped from her chest, exposing her shriveled bosom. Her cane, her only ally, was quickly disappearing from sight. Her precious jewels scattered behind her, a trail of lost loyalties. The pillars rushed by Manthara as the prince dragged her by her hair, then her arm, all the while raging and cursing. She tried to think, but the world was spin-ning, her whole body convulsing. Wails erupted from her mouth against her will. Finally, she saw something she recognized: Kaikeyi’s archway.
458
m a nth a r a’s end
“Keyi, Keyi!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.
She felt the prince hesitate, and then Kaikeyi was there. “Release her!”
The prince only resumed smashing the sword against her, promising to kill her. Every blow felt like her last. Kaikeyi circled around him as if she was helpless. The prince grunted with every blow. Manthara shut her eyes, and the terrible humiliation brought her back to another time when she had been on the verge of death, beaten with stick and stones. The shock of being suddenly attacked hurled Manthara into the old trauma. “Slither out of this if you can,” the leader had said, the very one she might have married, had she not been a Manthara.
Their insults rang in her ears:
“Worm!”
“Snake!”
“Witch!”
“A snail has more spine than you!”
“You leave a trail of slime wherever you go!”
“The spit of a lowborn is more clean than you!”
The death threat evaporated when Bharata appeared. Manthara lifted her hand toward him. His face was so like Ashvapati’s. Manthara’s windpipe emitted a low shriek as yet another lash fell across her back. Bharata would save her.
“Bharata, please,” Kaikeyi begged. “End this. She is aged. She is weak.”
“Shatrugna, enough!” Bharata said, intercepting the next blow.
Manthara looked up at them in confusion. Shatrugna? Manthara peered up at the one standing over her, red in the face with anger. Her whole body shivered with pain. Of course it was Shatrugna. How could she have been so mistaken? But all cruel people looked the same.
Bharata looked down at her without kindness. “If it wasn’t for fear of Rama’s displeasure,” he said, “I would let Shatrugna kill you.”
He pulled Shatrugna away. Manthara’s mouth hung open. Kaikeyi knelt by Manthara’s side, carefully examining Manthara’s bruised back.
“Nothing is broken,” she said soothingly.
“Everything is broken!” Manthara wheezed.
Bharata left her on the ground without a backward glance, just as those antagonists had years ago, leaving her to die. Hatred boiled up in Manthara’s heart. Curse them all! Even the ones she tried to protect deserved no protection. Manthara had utterly miscalculated Bharata’s reaction. She had led Kaikeyi to destruction; all her plotting would bring them only to ruin. The malicious part of Manthara’s heart sighed in relief, satiated, having reached its aim. Kaikeyi would become a wasteland. Despite her beauty and erect back, Kaikeyi was ruined. Everyone in Ayodhya was ruined. But the ruined queen could see none of this. She was all love and concern, carefully arranging for Manthara to be taken back to her rooms.
Manthara kept her eyes firmly shut, lest she reveal the utter contempt she now felt for every person around her. Kaikeyi’s “love” was merely a selfish act, a respite from her own misfor-tune. In caring for the repulsive hunchback, she sought redemption from her own failures.
459
ch a p ter 57
As the servants carefully lifted her up, Manthara moaned and cried. Kaikeyi firmly held Manthara’s hand and walked with her the whole way.
“Careful,” she admonished the carriers, as they placed Manthara, a sack of broken bones, on the bed. Liquids ran from Manthara’s eyes and nose, and she could not even lift her hand to wipe it off. She was disgusting. Kaikeyi cleaned Manthara’s face. Manthara still did not open her eyes. She breathed in shallow gasps; her life was over.
“Manthara,” Kaikeyi gently prodded. “You are going to recover from this.”
Manthara did not respond. She wanted Kaikeyi to leave. She wanted to be alone. Forever.
“I’m summoning the physician,” Kaikeyi said. “I will return soon.”
She felt Kaikeyi’s soft lips press onto her brow. Her face twitched, repulsed by the false affection. The moment Kaikeyi left, Manthara peeked with one eye. She was alone. She slithered out of the bed, almost losing consciousness from the horrendous pain. Manthara dragged herself across the ground, as she had done once before, seeking the white teardrops dangling from her lily of the valley plants. Without hesitation, she ate the poisonous wildflower, gaging on the leaves and stalks, swallowing every single piece of the plant. When Kaikeyi returned, the nausea had begun.
“You are so pale, Manthara,” Kaikeyi said, bringing water to Manthara’s lips.
Manthara pushed the cup away even though her tongue was dry. The tendrils of Manthara’s mind reached across a vast desert to cast her final blow. “Come here,” she ordered.
She was unable to speak loudly, and she wanted Kaikeyi to hear every word she said. She grabbed hold of Kaikeyi’s head and pulled the queen’s ear to her mouth. “Did you know that I was the one who orchestrated your mother’s exile?”
Kaikeyi pulled away, blue eyes filling with fear.
“Your mother, the beautiful Queen Chaya, was just as stupid as you are.”
Manthara relished the description of her clever manipulation. It had been too easy.
“Did you learn the lesson now?” Manthara sneered. “Never give anyone the power to break your heart! How many times have I told you that? You should never have trusted me.”
Tears began pouring from Kaikeyi’s eyes. She was a weakling despite her warrior training.
“I do not regret loving,” Kaikeyi said. “I should have loved Dasharatha more. Trusted him. I should have loved Rama more. None of this would have happened if I believed in their love. More love is the solution. Not less! My father should have loved my mother despite her demand. He should have never exiled her. If you trusted in love, Manthara, you would not have said or done any of these things!”
“You naive idiot! I gave my whole life to teach you, and still you have learned nothing!”
“Manthara, don’t do this. Don’t speak hurtful words. Don’t push me away. Love me.”
She pressed her cheek against Manthara. “Love me.”
Manthara cringed away. Kaikeyi was beyond hope.
Manthara swallowed the bile that rose in her throat. She would not release the teardrops that were burning her insides. She slumped against the pillows, struggling to breathe. Her throat contracted, unable to take in the air. Her lungs twisted, her hands went numb, and her fingers and toes curled in on themselves. Kaikeyi’s face morphed before her eyes, contorting 460
m a nth a r a’s end
into strange shapes. Manthara heard sounds but could not comprehend. Dogs barked, jack-als howled. She squeezed her eyes shut and fell into the poisoned pit of suicide.
It was not the fast death she had hoped for. It was nothing like that first time, when she had embraced it, experiencing the end as soothing. Now she was pushed away by Yama himself, forced back into the body that was convulsing, foaming at the mouth, and turning blue.
She existed in every strangled breath, every eternal moment of pain. Even in the halls of death, she was unwelcome. Rama’s eyes haunted the darkness of her soul. The ghastly souls walking the halls of death had Rama’s eyes. He was everywhere. He glowed in the hearts of the lost. He was in Manthara’s soul, drinking up her poison. She clawed at her heart, tearing the flesh of her chest. “It’s mine!” Her body convulsed violently. Foul liquids erupted from her mouth and bottom. Her eyes rolled in their sockets. Her final word was, “Rama!”
As her soul finally escaped its crooked form, it began to glow. It began to know. Despite herself, she had accomplished her purpose. She had been a devious but worthy instrument: the future of the world depended on Rama’s exile. The poison in her heart was his nectar.
Manthara had been the bow and Rama the arrow.
The human laws that Manthara had despised her whole life would influence Rama, and it was too soon to know whether those laws would ensure his victory or destroy it. Together, Kaikeyi and Manthara had propelled him far, but he was nowhere near his target yet. The secrecy of the scheme was its power, the lethal weapon still hidden. The archenemy would not see the weapon until it was firmly lodged in his heart. The woman who was destined to be Ravana’s doom did not know her own power. Before Sita and Rama achieved their purpose, there would be many more bows, many more arrows, and many more servants like Manthara, playing unwitting parts in a scheme so grand that even the holy ones could see neither the beginning nor the end.
461
Acknowledgments
THANK YOU
Annapurna: My mamma, for doing your art no matter what and nurturing my creativity from day one, for being the backbone and the visionary of this project. That I ended up writing this is entirely due to you. Your approval and encouragement have blessed this work and give me the courage to trust my creativity and continue writing.
Visvambhar: My husband, for being my best friend, the one I can open my heart to in all circumstances, for being a loving father, for reading all my drafts, for being such a fierce and dedicated artist, for actively supporting me to dance and sing, and much much more.
Mirabai: Editor par excellence, for being the fairy godmother of this work, for going above and beyond, for pushing me and the trilogy to an entirely new horizon, for sharing your wealth of knowledge on craft and process, for having spot-on insights, for being an amazingly sweet person and soul sister.
Len: My bonus-dad, for being the generous patron of this work, for your enthusiasm, for always being there to mediate, and for being a loving grandfather and family member.
Yogindra: My pita, most recently for photocopying and handing me Diana Eck’s article,
“Following Rama: The Ramayana on the Landscape of India,” from India: A Sacred Geogra-phy. For overseeing my growth since my birth, for setting such an outstanding example as a dedicated seeker of self-realization.
463
ack now ledgments
Ananga mama: For being the most selfless person I know, for loving us, sheltering us, feeding us. For lighting up our lives with your spirit, for choosing the bright side always, for being the transmitter of crucial memories.
Bhadra Das: For being a steady influence in your children’s lives, for your smiles, and all your recent encouragement.
Gangi: For creating beauty wherever you go and for being sensitive and strong all at once.
Jambu: For being a poet and dedicated yogini, and for reading my first book.
My sacred women’s circle: For being the ancient orchard of the feminine, for being the witness to my deepest self and allowing me to glimpse yours.
David B. Wolf and Marie Glasheen: For creating Satvatove and providing a space where all emotions are welcome.
Dhanya: For your inquisitive intellect, grounded spirituality, your voice, your music, your unfolding creative fire.
Kish & Bali: For including me in The Mayapuris project, for being goofballs, my brothers, and for having mad music talent.
Gaura Vani: For fearlessly spearheading your dreams and bringing them to manifestation.
Radhanatha Swami: For kindly endorsing this work with so much love, for being a fearless visionary and spiritual teacher.
Jai Uttal: For being the sweetest friend, inspired storyteller, and Rama-lover. For your effusive and heartwarming praise of book two, for bringing Nubia into my life.
Raoul Goff: Our publisher, for setting the standards high and welcoming us into your folds.
Courtney Andersson: For competently and cheerfully overseeing the project.
Beth Mansbridge and Beverly H. Miller: For your thorough copyediting.
Raghu Consbruck: For your beautiful design work, for being someone I can fully rely on.
Chaya Sharon Heller: For Ayurvedic treatment ideas for Manthara’s kyphosis.
Julia Cameron: For writing The Artist’s Way, which changed my life: “The refusal to be creative is self-will and is counter to our true nature.”
Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes: For writing the incomparable Women Who Run with Wolves, a book every woman and man should read.
Rukmini Devi Arundale: For being a true pioneer, visionary, and creative powerhouse.
Robert P. Goldman and his team: For translating the Ramayana so expertly, and broad-ening my perspective through your scholarly introductions to each kanda.
Other references: Kamban Ramayana translated by P. S. Sundaram, The Laws of Manu by G. Buhler, Many Ramayanas by Paula Richman, How to Think Like a Horse by Cheryl Hill, Ram: The Abduction of Sita into Darkness by Yael Farber, Ramayana by C. Rajagopalachari.
The online resources: www.valmikiramayana.net, www.spine-health.com, mayoclinic.
com, wikipedia’s kyphosis page.
Special thanks to Philip Lutgendorf for his insightful suggestions and the beautiful foreword.
464
Characters and Terms
AYODHYA (CAPITAL CITY OF EARTH) / AYODHYANS
Aja – Dasharatha’s father; king of Ayodhya Dasharatha / Dasha – emperor of the
before him
Earth, Rama’s father; known for his
Anaranya – king of the Sun dynasty more
great skill in battle, hence his name
than twenty-five generations before
“Ten Chariots”
Rama; killed by Ravana in a famous
Divya – Queen Kausalya’s head
battle
maidservant
Asamanja – the only son of the Sun
Guha – king of the Nishadas, Rama’s
dynasty who disgraced his line; known
friend; king of the Nishada forest tribe
for drowning his playmates in the river
Indumati – Dasharatha’s mother, queen of Sarayu
Ayodhya
Bharata – Rama’s half-brother, second in Jatayu – a giant vulture, king of his kind line to the throne; Kaikeyi’s son
Jayasena – king of Hastinapur, one of the Chitra – a scout in Dasharatha’s service fifty kings of Earth
who rescues and adopts Rani, one of
Kaikeyi / Keyi – third and favorite wife of Ravana’s victims
King Dasharatha; queen 3; mother of
Daksha – the head of Ayodhya’s treasury
Bharata
465
ch a r acter s a nd ter ms
Kashi – king of Kashi, one of the most
Sagara – Rama’s ancestor, father of
persistently aggressive kings under
Asamanja
Dasharatha’s rule
Senapati – the commander-in-chief of
Kausalya – first wife of King Dasharatha; Ayodhya’s army
queen 1; mother of Rama
Shanta – daughter of King Romapada,
Koshala – the land surrounding Ayodhya
married to Rishyashringa
Lakshmana – Rama’s closest friend and
Shatrugna – Lakshmana’s twin brother;
half-brother; Shatrugna’s twin brother;
Bharata’s constant companion; son of
son of King Dasharatha and queen 2,
King Dasharatha and queen 2, Sumitra
Sumitra
Siddhartha – one of the king’s eight
Lochana – citizen of Ayodhya, whose wife trusted ministers
and children are destroyed by Ravana
Sumantra – one of King Dasharatha’s eight Manu – the first man; established Ayodhya ministers and a loyal friend
and created the laws for mankind,
Sumitra – princess of Magadha, second
known as The Laws of Manu
wife of Dasharatha; mother of twins,
Rama / Rama Chandra – firstborn son
Lakshmana and Shatrugna
of King Dasharatha; son of Kausalya,
Vasishta – the royal priest / preceptor of queen 1; next in line to the throne and
the Sun dynasty through countless
wed to Sita
generations, and one of the nine mind-
Rani / Maharani – one of the females
born children of Brahma, the creator
Ravana abducts, who escapes and
returns. She is eventually assigned to
serve as Sita’s head maid.
RAJAGRIHA (CITY OF KEKAYA) / KEKAYANS
Ashvapati – “Lord of Horses,” king of
Manthara – “The Hunchback,” Kaikeyi’s
Kekaya, father of Kaikeyi and Yuddhajit
hunchbacked confidante
Chaya – “Shadow,” the exiled queen,
Sukhi – a maidservant to Kaikeyi, twin of mother of Yuddhajit and Kaikeyi
Dukhi
Dukhi – a maidservant to Kaikeyi, twin of Surya – Kaikeyi’s favorite horse, killed by Sukhi
Dvi
Dvi – one of Kaikeyi’s suitors, whom she Rajagriha – the city of Kekaya
spurns and punishes
Yuddhajit / Yuddha – prince of Kekaya,
Indu – the mare who gives birth to
brother to Kaikeyi
Kaikeyi’s first horse Surya
MITHILA (CITY OF VIDEHA) / MITHILANS
