Never look back, p.32
Never Look Back, page 32
He couldn’t make out anything.
But he felt it.
The grim darkness that flashed over the night.
Swallowing hard, he turned back to Aster, grabbed her by the outside of the arms, and squeezed. “If you really want to go? Then we have to do it soon. We’ll leave this week. Be ready.”
A fist pounded on his bedroom door, and Logan jerked upright in bed.
“Logan, get up, family meeting in two.” Trent’s voice radiated through the air, lined in a hard, manic edge.
Logan glanced at the clock. It was just after ten a.m.
Apprehension surged.
What the hell was going on?
Whatever it was, he knew it was big. He could feel it echoing through the house, banging the walls like a warning toll.
Logan scrubbed a hand over his face to break up the sleep, then he tugged on the pair of jeans he’d left on the floor, and he fumbled out.
Late morning light seeped through the drawn curtains, and Trent was pacing the living room.
Jud sat on the very edge of the couch with his hands clasped together, conflict tangled in his being. Logan moved to sit beside him as unease curled through his spirit.
Nathan came out from his room, his eyes wide and trained on Trent, in tune with his twin.
“What’s going on?” Concern filled Nathan’s question.
Trent roughed an agitated hand over the top of his head, and he inhaled deep before he swung back around. “We’ve got a problem. Pit’s girl is pregnant.”
Confusion bound everyone’s tongues.
“It’s mine,” he clarified.
Logan felt like he’d been zapped.
Shocked.
Stunned.
It seemed he wasn’t the only one who’d found trouble. The only one with a child on the way.
He knew this was different, though.
Trent wasn’t close to being in love. Wasn’t close to fighting for a family that’d barely begun.
He’d been sleeping with Juna as a way to get at Pit. Pit was the man Trent had been hunting since the day their mother had been gunned down. The man Trent believed ultimately responsible for her hit.
He’d been doing everything he could to get close enough to take him out since.
It appeared he’d diverged paths.
“She’s dead if he finds out,” Trent continued. “I’m taking her out of here to keep her safe until the baby is born. I’m gonna raise it myself. We’re leaving. This city and this life. We’re gonna disappear, start over. It’s a bad life, and I won’t bring a child into it.”
A sound pitched out of Logan without his permission.
Relief.
Stark, gutting relief.
He bent in two, trying to clear his head. To process it.
They’d just been offered an out on a silver platter.
“It’s okay, man. It’s gonna be okay. Promise.” Jud squeezed his knee, thinking Logan was upset while Logan wanted to shout with the out they’d been given.
He could have Aster and his family.
There was a better solution.
Logan barely processed the conversation that ensued. Nathan asking him if raising a kid was what he really wanted. If he would be happy.
“You make me happy. The three of you, that’s it. And…” Trent choked. “And this kid.”
This kid.
Logan understood it to his soul.
Trent cleared his throat. “Have a deal to see through tonight. Big one. I don’t show, our father will be coming to collect. Don’t want to raise any suspicion. Get ready. Pack only what you need. Meet here at four. We roll an hour before sunrise. That is if everyone is with me?”
Logan’s head spun as their destinations became clear.
Trent said to only pack what they needed, and the only thing that was going to be was Aster.
Aster.
He wanted to shout it, claim her, but he figured it was going to be a whole lot easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission. Trent was already going to lose his shit when he found Aster with him.
But he also knew his brothers would stand beside him.
Just like they all did with Trent. They moved to him and set their hands on his shoulders. “We’re with you.”
Five minutes later, Trent and Jud’s bikes were roaring down the street.
Nathan looked at Logan, eyed him intently. “What are you going to do, man?”
Logan shrugged like it was clear. “I’m bringing her with us. She and our kid.”
Disbelief flushed Nathan’s expression then he almost smiled. “Shit. And here I thought you were supposed to be the smart one, and you got yourself into the same kind of mess as Trent?”
Emotion throbbed. “Nah, man, it’s not a mess. Not when it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”
THIRTY-SIX
LOGAN
I fumbled around in the dark for the phone that rang from my nightstand.
It was late, after one, Aster fast asleep where she’d been curled into my side with the ring I’d kept for years securely fashioned on her finger.
My chest tightened.
Overcome by the sight of her laying there in the swath of muted, milky light that covered the bedroom.
Mine.
In the truest way.
The way she was always supposed to be.
The phone rang again.
Squinting, I sat up on the edge of the bed and picked it up.
Disquiet trembled my nerves, goading deep as I answered the call, my voice quieted when I answered, “Haille?”
“I’m sorry to bother you at such a late hour.”
“It’s fine.”
“I have something that I thought would be of interest to you.”
“Yeah?”
“A game…New Year’s Day at ten p.m. The stakes will be…worth your time.”
I glanced back at Aster who was on her side, facing me, lost to sleep. Even breaths slipped between her barely parted lips, the girl at peace and my only purpose.
The tattoo burned on my side.
Greed.
It took no thought to recognize she was the only treasure I needed.
“I think I’m going to have to pass.”
THIRTY-SEVEN
ASTER
“Merry Christmas.” Logan gazed over at me where we lie on our sides facing the other. Our hearts were slowed and steadied, and a peace unlike anything I’d ever known had seeped deep into my spirit.
“I never thought I would get the chance to share one with you.”
He took my hand and pressed the back of it to his lips. “You get the rest of mine, Aster. The birthdays and the holidays and the celebrations. You get the days that will never make history and the ones that we will remember every detail of for the rest of our lives. You get every day.”
“That’s good because I’m going to require every single one.” My smile was tender, and Logan grinned, emotion cresting his brow.
We relished in it for the longest time before I brought what we kept trying to keep at the back of our minds into the forefront. “What are we going to do, Logan? I have one more week before my father expects me to return to Los Angeles.”
He inhaled a shaky breath. “We won’t let that happen.”
“We need a plan. I’m going to get in touch with my sister and see if she has made any progress, but I’m not sure we can continue to rely on that.”
Jarek hadn’t shown his face since the altercation in the alley. But I could feel his dark presence looming over the city.
Watching.
Lurking.
Waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.
“No. We can’t.” Logan kept kissing over the back of my hand in a soothing manner, even while the ferocity flashed through his face. “I spoke with Jud and Trent last night. Jud has an old connection who’s familiar with the Russian families. He’s going to make contact with him to see if we can find any ties to Jarek.”
Worry and hope flooded my bloodstream. “I don’t want to involve your family, Logan.”
He wound an arm around my back and pulled me flush, his voice turning to grit. “They’re your family now, Aster. Yours. And this family fights for each other.”
Emotion surged. Love and adoration and this lingering fear I would never shake. “Is it wrong I find so much joy in that?”
Those green eyes flashed, though this morning, the stony depths were transparent. “This joy is ours, Aster. It’s ours.”
Then he placed the softest kiss on my lips.
I nearly hit the ceiling when my phone started ringing, and I jerked around to the nightstand to see who was calling.
Panic clawed through my chest. “It’s my father.”
Logan slipped his palm to my cheek. “Don’t be afraid, Aster. You stood up for yourself and came here. Now it’s time for you to see it through.”
My nerves rattled, and I did my best to swallow it down, nodding at him once before I shifted, removed the phone from the charger, and snuck out into the kitchen area.
My voice was held when I answered, “Merry Christmas, Papa.”
“Mia vita, Merry Christmas.”
His affection filled my spirit. My love for him real even though he’d caused so much pain and grief.
“It truly is, Papa. It’s the first one where I felt whole and right since before I can remember.”
Or maybe I never had.
A heavy sigh pilfered through the line. “Please tell me you haven’t allowed your whimsical fantasies to delude you, Aster Rose. It’s time you come home, where you belong, and leave this foolishness behind.”
My mind spun with how to handle this best.
“No. Not yet. I’m so close to finding them, Papa. I’ve earned his trust.” My voice dropped even lower with that. I felt like a fraud saying it, and not because I held any guilt over lying to my father. “I need more time, and you promised me thirty days.”
“We miss you here.”
My laughter was close to disbelieving. “I’m not sure how you can miss something that doesn’t truly exist.”
There, I was a shell.
Numb.
A caricature with a false smile.
“You know everything, every choice I’ve ever made, is because of my love for you.”
The sad thing was I thought he might believe it.
“No, Papa. Every choice you ever made was for you because you believed in a lie that was passed down from generation to generation that proclaimed that was the way it was supposed to be. It was wrong. Horrible. A crime. And I will no longer pretend like it’s not.”
“Aster.” His voice was aghast. Low and filled with a warning.
“It’s the truth, Papa. And you know it. It’s time you came to accept it.”
I ended the call before giving him a chance to respond, and the air squeezed from my lungs in spastic quakes.
I was shocked at what I’d said.
Shocked by the truth that I was going to stand behind it.
An overwhelming presence emerged over me from behind. Stark intensity. Mind-bending beauty. Logan wrapped his arms around my waist, and he pressed his nose into my hair until it was sweeping the sensitive spot at the nape of my neck. “Aster. Little Star. My light. My destination. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
I pressed my hands over his that were splayed over my stomach. “Together.”
“Together,” he rumbled back.
And I knew…knew everything would be all right.
THIRTY-EIGHT
ASTER
My phone buzzed on the island. I all but skipped over to where I’d left it. I got a full body buzz whenever I thought of Logan, which was basically every second of every day.
So, what if I was happy.
I deserved it.
We deserved it.
Was I terrified? Of course. We had so much to overcome. But we would do it.
Together.
We had to.
There was no other option.
After my conversation with my father two days ago, it’d been cemented. Courage had weaved its way into my fiber, knitting me into a ferocity that I’d never felt before.
The smile I wore completely shifted when I saw it wasn’t Logan texting me from the office but rather my sister returning mine from yesterday.
One that’d simply said, Miss you, which I’d sent with an undercurrent of a message that she needed to get somewhere private so we could talk.
Taylor: Hi. Are you good?
Me: Yes, are you? Call?
Taylor: Can’t. Hidden in a closet at the end of the hall. All stealth like.
Affection sprang into my chest. No doubt, she was thrilled by the scandalous mission.
Taylor: How are you?
I hesitated, warring with what to say, wishing we were normal and we could sit cross-legged on my bed and gossip about boys.
One day.
So I settled on simplicity.
Me: Safe.
Taylor: And well-fucked, I hope?
She had no idea.
Me: Taylor.
I filled as much of a reprimand as I could into her name.
Taylor: Aster.
I could almost see her pouty face as she tossed it right back.
A giggle slipped free, so I gave her a little more.
Me: I’m happy. Really happy.
Her response came in quickly behind.
Taylor: Mmhmm…nothing like some of that good D to make a girl happy.
She capped it with a winky face.
Me: You are ridiculous.
Taylor: Ridiculous and right. Admit it. I can feel your afterglow all the way down in Los Angeles.
Me: Fine.
That was as good as she was going to get.
Taylor: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I knew it!
Light laughter floated out, and I glanced around at the silent apartment. I didn’t know why it felt like this conversation had to be covert. I guessed it felt like an extension of what Taylor was going through. The truth that she was taking a risk by trying to help me. I’d put her in a bad spot, but I needed her help.
I hesitated, then let my fingers fly across the screen.
Me: Do you know anything about Papa having connections in Russia?
It took a second for her to respond. My heart thudded in my chest while I waited. Nerves rattling. I could feel it, we were right there.
Taylor: No fucking way. He wouldn’t. You know that. His pride is too big for that.
Me: Jarek went at least four times this last summer.
Taylor: SHUT. UP.
Me: That’s what we’ve learned, at least.
Taylor: And you need to know why.
I could see her brain spinning.
Me: Yeah.
Taylor: And you think the why is in that bag.
She didn’t even phrase it as a question. Her mind was already adding it up and coming to the quick conclusion.
Me: I have to believe something is in there.
Taylor: Don’t worry because I think I figured out how to get inside.
Antsy anticipation slipped beneath my skin.
Me: How?
Taylor: I’m going to seduce the biker.
My heart nearly popped out of my chest when she sent a picture of the scariest guy I’d ever seen. He was outside the house I’d lived at for the last seven years, leaning against the wall with a cigarette dangling from his mouth and his motorcycle boot kicked back on the brick. Dark hair, covered in ink, the patch on his cut claiming Demon’s Day.
Taylor was right. He looked like kicking kittens was his favorite hobby.
Me: Are you insane? You cannot seduce the biker.
Anxiety clawed through my senses. I couldn’t exchange the safety of one of us for the downfall of the other. It was insanity.
A second later, her response buzzed through.
Taylor: Why can’t I have sexy times with an uber hot biker if you get to?
Me: Logan is not a biker.
Taylor: Oh, please, that boy may wear a suit, but he has biker blood all the way down in his soul. Piss him off and see what happens.
Okay, fine, she was right, but that didn’t change things.
Me: I refuse to put you in danger, Taylor. I only asked for this favor if Dominic could slip in unnoticed, not for you to go on a suicide mission.
Taylor: Death by orgasm. Sign me up.
I tried to hold back a screech of frustration.
Me: Please don’t do something stupid.
Taylor: It’s not stupid if it’s for you.
I could feel the tone of her voice soften.
Taylor: Besides, Dom’s out. This mission is on me. And this guy looks like a challenge.
I blew out a sigh, warring, unsure of what to do. She responded before I got the chance to.
Taylor: Trust me, Aster. Please.
The affection that pulled tight across my chest almost felt like pain.
Me: Just be careful. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.
Taylor: I love you, too.
Me: You know I do.
