Never look back, p.34
Never Look Back, page 34
Finished being ordered into submission.
Finished with being told who I was and where I was to be and who I was supposed to love.
Yes, I’d already made the oath to myself, but it felt different staring down the manifestation.
The reality that I either fought for myself or surrendered the way I’d done before.
Do or die.
I pushed between Trent and Jud, coming up to Logan’s side. My words were held in a low rasp. “Everyone outside. Now.”
Jarek balked as if anything I said was insignificant.
My father put out a hand. A hand that wielded the power. I saw the way it made Jarek flinch with the bite of bitterness.
“Outside. Everyone,” Papa commanded.
Logan cast me a searching look. Is this what you want?
He’d run with me if I asked him to.
Or fight to the death.
Whatever it took.
I knew he would.
And I loved him even more for it.
I threaded my fingers through his, squeezed tight, and I was the one who led us behind the gambol of my father’s men who pushed through the throng until the mess of us were spilling out into the parking lot.
Trent and Jud flanked me and Logan, and Kult and Milo came to stand on either side.
While Jarek glowered and gritted his teeth and silently raged.
The beat of the music pulsed through Absolution’s walls while the frozen air wafted in white tufts of vapor from panted mouths.
A stand-off between two warring sides.
I should have known that’s what it would come to.
“You wish for a scene?” My father inclined his head.
“No, Papa, I just wish to be heard. To be listened to. To be understood.”
“I already granted you thirty days.”
“And it’s time for you to grant me my life.”
His brow curled. “What are you asking?”
“For you to let me go. To give me my freedom. To let me love the man I’ve loved all along. The one you and Jarek robbed me of.”
Logan’s hand tightened on mine.
Belief.
Pride.
Support.
I stood firm in it, and I shifted to make sure they could see the ring I proudly wore on my finger.
Rage blistered from Jarek when he saw it. “This is blasphemy. You are my wife.”
My attention swung to the monster who’d scarred me so deeply. Ugly, gnarled wounds that would forever weep and bleed. “I am not your wife. I am a prisoner you took, one you abused, and I refuse to allow it to continue.”
“Bullshit.” He surged forward.
In a flash, Jud was in front of him. His hand slammed into his chest. “I’d think twice about that.” He leaned in close to his ear, his voice a dark threat. “I’m pretty sure it’s you who has forgotten who we are.”
My father waved another hand as if Jarek were an unruly child.
“You will stand down, Jarek, as I told you before. We came here for my daughter, not for bloodshed.”
Papa’s attention swiveled, his eyes narrowed in speculation, focusing in on where Logan and I stood shoulder to shoulder with our hands tightly woven.
“You ask me to leave you with a man who stole from me? A man who touched my daughter when he was forbidden to even speak to her? The man who killed my brother? The same man you promised you would never see again if I spared his life?”
Shock impaled Logan.
An arrow to his heart.
He nearly bowed in two, and his breaths turned ragged, and I could feel the brutal thunder of his heart.
As if a piece of him had simultaneously broken and healed.
Because now he truly knew what it meant when I’d told him there was no other choice to make.
I’d chosen him.
I lifted my chin. “Yes. I’m asking you right now, as my father, to see me as your daughter. As a human being. As a woman who loves and hurts and has needs. I’m asking you to let her finally have the chance to live.”
“And if I say no?” That he issued to Logan, a challenge in the rise of his brow.
Logan’s hand clamped down so fiercely it was close to painful. “Then we’ll have a war I doubt either of us want to fight.”
My father chuckled a low, disbelieving sound. “You know, you were the smartest boy to ever pass through my halls, your mind quick and your skill natural, but also the most unwise.”
I could almost hear Logan’s teeth grind. “If you think my falling in love with your daughter was unwise, then you’re the biggest fool of all. Loving her is the only thing I’ve ever done right.”
Emotion welled.
So thick.
So real.
A dubious sound puffed from my father’s mouth, and he took a step back, eyed Logan when he said, “I expect you and my daughter in Los Angeles on Friday. We will have a discussion. Without an audience.”
He slanted a direct look at Jarek when he stated it.
My own shock had me rocking forward, the ground shaking beneath my feet. Was he actually hearing me this time?
It was the same second Jarek snapped. He flew forward in an effort to get around Jud, only it was like slamming into a brick wall.
Jud held him back by the upper arms while Logan positioned himself in front of me. Jarek thrashed and tried to break free, threats ripping from his mouth, “You have just signed your death warrant. I promise you. I will take back Aster and the stones you stole. Where are they?”
Desperation wheezed from his outrage.
My stomach twisted.
The stones had been nothing but a curse.
“Let’s go.” My father lifted a hand in the air to indicate it was finished.
Jud shoved Jarek back. “I’d suggest you disappear, asshole.”
Dizziness spun my head, and I tried to remain upright, unable to believe the possibility.
That my father might actually see.
The group of men moved deeper into the parking lot.
“Papa,” I couldn’t help but call out.
He barely paused. Barely looked back.
But he did, and I thought what I saw in his expression was mercy.
Thank you, I mouthed.
With a tight nod, he turned and disappeared into the hazy darkness.
In the background I could hear Trent rumble low, “Prick is gonna be back.”
“It would seem that way, Sir,” Milo offered quietly.
“You good, darlin’?” Jud shifted his attention to me.
I gave him a jerky nod, the welling of shock so thick in my throat I wasn’t sure I could speak.
Logan tugged at my hand. “Come with me.”
And the truth was, I would follow him anywhere.
FORTY-ONE
LOGAN
LOS ANGELES, NINETEEN YEARS OLD
Logan tried to conceal his harsh breaths as he approached the office where he was rarely summoned. Dread slithered across his flesh, his stomach in knots and his heart beating out of time.
Aster’s father had to have found out.
Had to know.
And if that were the case, he doubted much he would make it back out of that room.
Gathering his courage, he knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
He inhaled a shaky breath and opened it to the rambling study.
Aster’s father sat behind his enormous desk, coolly casual the way he normally was, like there wasn’t a thing in the world that could touch him.
An immortal king.
Logan gulped and took a single step forward. “Sir, you wanted to see me?”
“Shut the door and sit.” He pointed at a chair across from his desk.
Logan clicked the door shut and tried to keep his knees from knocking as he crossed the room and sat. His muscles ticked as his nerves scattered.
Andres Costa leveled him with his eyes, studying him like he were sifting around in Logan’s mind for his secrets.
Finally, he said, “You have been an asset to this family, Mr. Lawson. When your father suggested I bring you in, I was skeptical, but you’ve proven yourself to be more than worthy.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
A tiny bit of the tension drained off, but not enough to keep him from itching in the seat. Unsure of where this was going because he definitely felt a but coming.
“Inside these walls is much different than when you step outside of them, though.” Aster’s father swished a hand around the room. “Here, there are fewer mistakes to be made. Fewer temptations to lead you astray. Fewer questions of loyalty.”
Logan’s chest squeezed.
What was he implying?
Did he know?
He clung to the arms of the chair while sweat gathered at his nape.
Andres Costa eyed him carefully. “And I think it is time we give you the chance to prove that, Mr. Lawson. Your loyalty to me and this family. My brother, Antonio, is to receive a shipment tonight of a treasured family heirloom. I wish you to accompany Jarek to my brother’s warehouse to ensure its safe passage here. You will be rewarded handsomely, of course, but more importantly, you’ll secure a spot for yourself in this family if you want it.”
Pride welled up, a feeling like he’d found his path, what he was purposed to do.
His mind spiraled with a thousand thoughts. Every one of them at odds.
Trent’s choice to leave this city. Aster begging him to take her away.
Logan’s pulse thundered.
But was that what she really wanted? To be separated from her father forever? From her sister? From all that she knew? And if they left, he could never provide for them the way that he could here.
This was his chance—his chance to earn Aster’s father’s trust. To earn a place in their family. To show him Aster would be better off with him than with Jarek.
And she deserved the world. Every fucking treasure. A giant house and a big backyard. She didn’t deserve to be running and hiding in the shadows for the rest of their lives, terrified of what might be waiting for them around the corner.
He didn’t love that he’d be doing it alongside Jarek. That asshole couldn’t be trusted. But maybe it was the exact opportunity he needed in order to show Aster’s father that Jarek needed to go.
Logan wanted it.
He wanted it.
And this was his one chance.
He had to take it.
“I’d be honored, Sir.”
“Good. I have hundreds of men at my disposal, and I chose you to accompany Jarek. This is a mission of the utmost importance. The heirloom is priceless, but more so, it is a personal treasure to me. Its transport is very sensitive, and only the three of you will know its details. Do I have your loyalty and your word, Mr. Lawson?”
“Yes, Mr. Costa. You have both.”
Unease trembled in his guts. Trent would be furious, but this was the best way for Aster. For their child. For him.
It would allow them both to maintain connections with their families, but more so, it ensured their safety.
Their comfort.
A good life.
He excused himself and rushed down the hall, newfound purpose pushing his steps forward. He nearly tripped when the hand flew out from a doorway and jerked him to a stop.
“Aster,” he breathed, slipping into the room where she was concealed. “What are you doing?”
“Hiding.” She let go of a small smile, but it was filled with worry.
He took her precious face in his hands. “And soon we won’t have to hide any longer. I just spoke with your father, and he’s asked me to retrieve a shipment tonight. He said he chose me over a hundred other men.”
Pride brimmed in his spirit, while surprise filled her agate eyes. “What?”
“This is my chance to prove to your father that I’m worthy of you.”
“I don’t understand. I thought—”
“I was going to find you to let you know my brothers want to skip town. Leave forever. But that means hiding forever. And I don’t want that for you, Aster. We’ll constantly be looking over our shoulders, running, always worried about being discovered.”
“No, Logan.”
He pressed on, too excited by the prospect. “Yeah, it sucks this job is with Jarek, but you know what that means…it means your father is placing me on the same level. This is our chance.”
Trepidation shimmered across her skin. “No, Logan, I don’t like it. I just want to leave. I want to leave this place and never look back.”
“But I’ll be able to provide for you. For our baby. And you won’t have to leave your sister and your father behind. Don’t you see? This chance came on the same day as we would have to leave. It’s fate. This is an opportunity that isn’t going to present itself again.”
“No, Logan, I just…” Aster stepped back. Dread radiated from her being. “I don’t trust it. I don’t.”
He rushed back for her, so reckless, the two of them in the house. But it was time. Time.
“You have to trust me.”
“Please, Logan, if you love me, let’s just go with your brothers tonight. I don’t want any part of this world. I don’t care about the money, the only thing I care about is our family. Please.”
Logan stepped back. “I gave your father my word. I have to, Aster.”
“Logan,” she begged.
He gripped her by both sides of the face. “You have to trust me.”
“And what if it goes bad? What if something happens to you?”
“I will come back to you. No matter what.”
“Promise me.” It wheezed from her lips.
He dipped down and uttered the words he’d promised her time and again.
“Even if I can’t see you, I’ll know you’re there, and I’ll find my way to you.”
“And there is no place my heart won’t find you. My North Star.” Sadness filled her voice when she whispered it, and she touched his chest.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be back…tonight. Meet me at our spot at one.”
“Okay.”
Logan wavered outside Nathan’s doorway where his brother had a suitcase open on the bed packing his clothes.
Logan struggled to breathe, his spirit in an upheaval. He’d been so certain of his decision when he’d sat in Andres Costa’s chair, but actually saying it out loud—doing it—made him feel like he was taking an axe and splitting himself in two.
His heart on a chopping block.
Nathan felt his presence, and he slowed to look back at him in question as he tucked another stack of shirts into his suitcase. “What’s going on, man?”
Clearly, it was radiating off Logan.
The dissention of what had to be done.
He stepped forward, unease firing from him like bullets through the room. He roughed a hand through his black hair. “I’m not leaving with you guys tonight.”
Nathan stilled, a rush of hurt and disbelief radiating from his pores. “What?” he finally managed.
Logan felt like he had a ball of shredded glass in his throat. “I’m staying here, with Aster. I have an opportunity to do this right. Gain the respect of her father. I have to take it.”
“Logan…” He paused, gathering what to say. “Those people, they can’t be trusted. If you’re getting in any deeper than you already are, that has to tell you it’s a bad idea.”
His head shook as his spirit warred. “I’m not doing anything illegal. Picking up an important shipment and delivering it to Andres Costa. It’s a test of trust. That’s it.”
Nathan scoffed. “If you think whatever you plan to do isn’t illegal, then you really are a fool.”
Logan shuffled on his feet. “You know how much I love you and this family, Nathan. God…we’ve been through so much shit together. The three of you basically raised me, and you raised me with the knowledge that family is everything. That we stand by each other no matter what. And Aster has to be that now. I have to make her a priority. Do what’s best for her. Live right by her. Protect her and provide for her.”
“And how are you going to provide for her? By letting your hands get dirty with her daddy’s blood money?”
A frown curled Logan’s brow. “Like what I’ve been doing hasn’t already muddied my hands.”
“But you know it’s different, and if you stay here, if you get further involved, become a part of them, it’s gonna get ugly, man. You have to know that.”
Let’s just go.
Her words spun through his mind, his conscience at odds.
Run or stay.
But running didn’t feel right.
“She’s worth any sacrifice, and by doing it this way, I’m opening up a route to both our families. She and I will be free to see the people who mean most to us. I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives with the fear of being discovered. Hiding.”
It’s what they’d had to do since the day they’d met.
Pain lanced through Nathan’s features. “And I’m afraid you’re going to find more trouble than you bargained for.”
Trouble.
She was always worth the risk.
“I have to see this through. And once we have Aster’s father’s blessing, we’ll come to you guys. Raise our kid with Trent’s. I just need to make this right.”
Nathan moved across the room. Apprehension oozed from his being, and his dark eyes dimmed as he touched his chest. “I have a bad feeling, Logan. A fucking bad feeling about all of this. Trent and you and all this bullshit that has taken root in our lives.”
“Maybe this is the one thing that will set all of us free. But I have to take this chance. For her. I love her. Love her. And I can’t ask her to live her life in fear because of her love for me.”
Nathan wrapped his arms around Logan. Hugged him tight. Logan hugged him back just as fierce. “I get it. I get it. Just please be careful. I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you. To any of you.”
“I’ll be careful. I promise.”
“So fucking proud of you. I hope you know that, Logan. Probably don’t say it enough, but you’ve got it right, man. Your heart. Don’t ever fucking let anything taint it.”
Logan’s heart pounded a riot as they pulled into the dusky alley behind the warehouse. Rain poured from the sky in heavy sheets, the sky cast in severe streaks of light as the storm ravaged the city.
